Hello everybody! I hope this e-mail finds you all doing well. I know it’s been awhile since I last sent an e-mail! For that I apologize (namely to Mom and Jerry). I decided to break this e-mail down into anecdotal stories, and separate them like that. I hope you enjoy!
Oh Sheet
So there is this little innocent looking girl in one of my classes (who is really a big brat, that’s neither here nor there) but she is really small, wears braided pigtails and has one of those annoyingly cute smiles. So you can imagine my surprise when she dropped her pencil and loudly exclaimed “Oh Sheet!” And then she asked me what it meant. After the damage was already done. But I told her it’s a word we don’t say in my class, which got all the other students morbidly curious, and then just made the brat girl say it more frequently. I don’t understand how they can’t retain the words “thank you” in their brains, but the curses-they’ve already got that down before I even get to them. Weird. (I, for one, didn’t learn dirty French words until college when I had to read Ancient Erotic Fables, but then again, that’s neither here nor there. Just a little traumatizing.)
London Taxi
(This one only makes sense if you know that I went to London again for the weekend.) So what’s the most politically correct thing you can conjure up in your imagination? While this may be up there, I felt I was rocking the p.c. boat pretty hard on my carbide to the airport in London. So picture it…London 2006. 4:55 am. Dina enters cab, driver closes door for her. Driver enters cab, seemingly on the wrong side (England’s all backwards). Dina sympathizes with cab driver about being up at the buttcrack of dawn. Driver drives excessively fast. Dina makes conversation to calm her nerves. Driver asks if Dina celebrates Christmas. Dina divulges that she celebrates Chanukah instead. Driver acts surprised. Dina asks if he does. Driver says he is working on Christmas but charging double. Dina, like a good Jews from. He says he lived in Germany for 15 years. Dina: So you’re German? Driver: No, I’m originally from Pakistan. Dina thinks: Wow! A German-ish Pakistani! Good thing I told him I was a Jew! Driver probably thinks: But her nose is so small!
So anyway, it was a pleasant ride. Dina learned about Driver and Driver learned about Dina. It was like “Driving Miss Jew-sy”. And we were clearly poster children for religious tolerance and world peace.
The Haircut
About 2 weeks ago, I got my haircut here, cause I figured I wanted a change, and hairdye is getting expensive, and I always managed to get the wrong kind here, too. So, Sapna had already gotten a haircut here, which she ended up hating solely for the fact that she had partial highlights (only on the top of her head) so it looked like she had a lot of colors going on. So she wanted to get her whole head dyed, so we decided to make a group effort out of it. We didn’t want to spend a lot of money, so Sapna did some research, and as it turns out, in France they charge you for the cut, for conditioner, and for “le brushing” which is them basically blowdrying your hair and styling it as they see fit. So at one place Sapna asked if she could get the highlights and forego ‘le brushing’, cause she could just do that herself at home. The lady she was asking practically gasped at this request, saying “you want us to let you leave the salon with wet hair?! Our manager will not allow it!” As if it would be a sin to be seen leaving their establishment without perfectly styled hair.
But, nevertheless, Sapna and I ended up at this reasonable place and the lady styled my hair so well. It was brilliantly straight and it looked good. The problem was, it was pouring outside, so the minute I left the salon, my hair went from fab to curly mess in 2.5 seconds. So much for “le brushing.”
Sapna’s Birthday
Here is some proper Tequila etiquette. Especially when the Tequila is grocery store unknown brand ‘silver’ Tequila.
Don’t take Tequila shots and then try to light 24 candles on a birthday cake. Someone will get burned. And it will seem funny.
Don’t take Tequila shots and then try to dance in a busy bar. You will fall.
Don’t take Tequila shots and then ask an estranged friend why he never talks to you. People may think Tequila lessens emotional pain. It does not.
Don’t take Tequila shots and then speak French. Unless you’re me. Then you’re French somehow gets better.
Don’t take Tequila shots before running into Sapna’s French roommate. It will only give him fuel to continue calling you a “veree strange geerl”.
Don’t take Tequila shots on Sapna’s birthday. Ever.
Chanukah Chavoc
So apparently I wreaked havoc in my school last Thursday because I talked about Chanukah in my classes.
First of all, when I talked about Chanukah in one of my first and youngest classes, one of the cutest little girls raised her hand and told me that she was Jewish and that her brother had a piece of his penis cut off. She included little hand movements to better illustrate and explain her point. It was adorable, yet slightly horrifying. And then, in another class a couple of boys came up to me and asked me if moyels (circumcisioners…yeah I made this word up) existed in America. Kids and their weird curiosities.
So anyway, about discussing Chanukah, I figured I would be careful, and asked the director of each school I work in and my supervisor if it would be appropriate to talk about Chanukah with my French Fries. They all said it would be fine, as long as I didn’t delve into religion and all that stuff, to which I agreed. So I downloaded a Chanukah Song and I made up a sheet with the words to the song and some pictures they could color of a dreidel, a menorah, presents, candles, and chocolate money. But, during my third class in my first school, the director walks in really quickly and tells the children to not glue the sheet into their notebooks. Then she tells me that what I am teaching is way too religious. She said the Menorah is equivalent to the cross, which is not true. The menorah is equivalent to the Christmas Tree (in front of which we were having this discussion). Then she told me my song was way too religious, but she can’t speak English, so she couldn’t even know what the song meant. But then she told me that she understands, because she, too, is a Jew, but she celebrates Christmas for her children. Which, in my rationality, isn’t really a Jewish holiday.
But it was all good, because in the second school I ran it by the director again to make sure it was ok with him, and the teachers and students were very receptive and thanked me for teaching them new information. So take that other school!
So, I’m thinking this is all I have to offer to you for now. Only one more class tomorrow until my holiday break which means Megan is coming in a week, which means we are going to Switzerland soon. I am missing you all, especially with the holiday season here in Nice, which equates to roommate Xmas tunes, too many people on the streets, and heightened cravings for chocolate and romance.
I do hope you are all doing well, and staying sane. Keep sending the e-mails…I LOVE receiving them! And if I don’t get to write another e-mail before Christmas, I wish you all a very Merry Xmas. Be safe, stay warm, and eat lots of food. Especially stuffing. Mmmm.
And just in (super) case, HAPPY NEW YEAR’S!! Come join me and Megan in Monaco, if you dare.
XOXOX,
Dina
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